DIXXX

From a note I posted a long time ago (I was crazy back then)

Last summer I saw a real penis for the first time , and it genuinely felt like seeing a clownfish in an aquarium for the first time like oh waw they're for real ! It was a Baudrillardian hyperreal moment, that reached its paroxysm when (scared the shit out me) it flinched.

OH MY GOD. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck ? It moved? It moved. It’s… alive ! Right, sure, of course, why wouldn’t it? Does it just do what it wants ? But, is it independent from you ? What does it mean when it moves ?How come I was not made aware of this feature? Actually why does this thing look so alien-like and unnatural ?

Now stop stop stop; I’m gonna need to observe and assess the full range of motion this thing is able to operate and then decide accordingly, because this is not mundane by any means buddy. From the unskilled and unaware observer's viewpoint ? Are you ok ? It’s a distinct creature, it’s an entity ! I thought it was your member, that you have full control over, not some sort of uncanny semi-autonomous bionic appendage that looks like it has a spontaneity of its own !

Also, if you don’t fully control it like you would control an arm or your tongue, it’s part of you, but it’s not “you” per se, it’s yours, but it’s not like your foot is fully yours, you control your foot, but you can only negotiate with your penis. And yet it the thing that’s supposed to be the ambassador of your masculinity and potence in the intersexual scene.

That’s why I always thought there’s something grotesque about a cock (I know, but I’ve said penis already, if I use it again it sounds redundant!), it looks quite gimmicky, a mushroom on a sausage, and two balls, total absurdity. Not necessarily something one would naturally associate with virility, whereas the rest of the male body does; chest, arms, beard, deeper voice…. mmmhh… and all of a sudden… Ding Dong ! Oh ! Mister mushroom head! Mr. Shrinks-and-twitches ! Like a marionet! Insert Wimpy Kid’s Rowley’s reaction gif.

Now shut up and look at a pussy. Infinitely more serious enterprise. Layers, depth, mystery, complexity, darkness. It’s a passage, or maze (you have to look for and find the clit. Some get lost, some are still looking. The G-spot is a location too; it’s an architecture. (The pink print). Interior design; curtains (the labia), roof, and (vaginal) walls.

Cute, and scary at the same time, crude, raw, real, but also, fully embodying the kawaii, the demure, and the playful. Such range cunt be anything but a testament of its erotic inherence.

I mean, it is indeed infinitely easier to fetishize a hole; inherently mysterious, infinite, the source, the fountain, dying supernova, but also a tunnel, a cave, a coffin, the end and the beginning…

But then also, an embrace, a bath, a flower… and with more sinister analogies; a grip, a choke, a trap etc.

Penises, okay, I guess when they’re hard and throbbing, and the balls have a slight sag making the whole thing look like the fruits of a hunt… mmmm! There’s a masculine physicality in that ponderance and prominence that presents itself with vigor and self-sustenance, but still; penis and balls are really nothing without the body and the mind operating them in the coital context. I think this is also why, ain’t no body wanna see no unsollicited dick picks; without the context that enables their eroticisation and fetichisation, male genitals dont have sex appeal assigned to them, independently.

Hence why dildos have such an inherently silly quality to them. Even doodles of dicks are understood and produced as a silly absurdity rather than a symbol of masculine aesthetics.

Penis and balls are the sort of contraption that, if you were asked to imagine what the human male genitals could look like, not knowing what they actually look like, you would never ever come come up with such an idiosyncratic thing. Yet it sounds so simple ; a tube and two spheres. But to imagine a tube and two spheres dangling at the center of a human body is not what one would naturally do; humans don’t look like species who would casually have a tube and two spheres as part of their body. An exotic animal, yes, and we still find it insane; think about narwhals, or elephants, they look insane.

Especially when the rest of the human body is really reasonable in terms of design and phenotype. Everything is well integrated, except the dick and balls. That seems like it was a completely different project, an addition by someone way different in the design team. Remember the guy who stuck a banana with tape at Art Basel, isn’t it the same concept ?

That’s why the Greeks put an ivy leaf on that business, it’s literally so that the statue is coherent. To make it more natural. If I were to see a human greek statue with a normal sized shlongadong, of course first thing someone with no empirical knowledge of male bodies would go straight to it and legitimately ask; what’s … and what’s this ? Interesting, it looks like it’s trying to tell us something… I wouldn’t even look at anything else. Honestly I’d get enthralled and obsessed. You know like, no-eye-contact-break even-as-you’re-leaving-the-room type of obsessed. And of course I’d want to get a feel and squish the balls I’m so sorry, but they look like to ergonomic stress balls, … (ok I did it to the guy I just wanted to see if they’re hard hard, or squishy hard, I did give him the time to tell me no though I didn’t do it in a sneaky way or anything)

Anyways maybe it’s part of the strategy. As in, penises can be eroticised mainly because they’re grotesque. I’ll talk about the connection between grotesque and erotic later.

I mean, of course I didn't tell him any of these things. So as to not scare him.

Fascinating to observe though. Male specimen of the human species (who could’ve told me it flinches beforehand instead of pulling up with his penis-sized inflatable man and act like he’s normal)

This experience also led to wondering about sexual or gender epistemology, like how did ancient women deal with this experience, cause I, well I had seen plenty of penises online (hehe) before seeing a real one, and still, real penis meet n’ greet was not a mundane experience.

And I started thinking about how I’d react had I not even been aware men have penises. The guy just pulls down his pants and a fleshy snake-like thing springs out, oh, I would scream and run away, snake equals the devil, everyone knows that.

Or I’d think he has some alien genes, or some deformity maybe, an outgrowth or a prolapse. If the roles were reversed, maybe the guy would think I am the one with a defect, like girl where’s your penis ? He’d think I’d been amputated, a poor fellow with frostbite.

Oh but I’d see the balls too, looking unnaturally spherical, and the way there’s one on each side, as if the whole thing was indeed a demonic symbol … And then apparently it grows and gets really hard, and that’s supposed to go inside me ? and repeatedly rammed in ? and that should make me feel extremely good in a way no one who hasn’t experienced it can describe ? It sounds like the most bizarre, psychotic, deranged plot ever.

Or I would think this is some illuminati person, half-man-half-demon. Maybe the way the penis-balls assemblage is cross shaped could actually mean something Christian, and that an erection is blasphemy since it turns the cross upside down, which is what a demon would do to announce it’s possession of the man’s spirit, and then the man would transmit that demonic energy by means of a ritual (sex), through the flesh to the poor innocent woman who will then be plagued by dark energies flowing in her soul (BPD, tradwifism, situationships etc.)

It sounds insane, but when you think about it, sex has everything of a esoteric ritual : the the transe and euphoric inducing rythmic pounding, the unique sounding synchronised vocalisations , the fact that it can give life or death (stds), the fluids involved (magic potion), the fact that you need one person with a penis, and one with a vagina, which is very occult grimoire coded, the metamorphosis (of the penis), which is somehthing only mythical creatures are subjected to (wherewolves, Ovid's Metamorphoses etc.) , also our periods, synced with the moon cycles… The bees and the birds talk which kind of sounds like esoteric knowledge that is transmitted intergenerationally especially the way it’s only considered reasonable to give once a person has attained a certain level of awareness, wisdom, or once they’ve gone through a rite of passage of some sort (puberty, or a certain age), so witchcrafty.

Honestly, compared to these shananigans IVF and egg freezing sounds more normal and human. If you describe human sexuality to a robot or an alien, they’d think were magical creatures or that the person describing is schizophrenic or something.

Also I don’t think I would’ve had known about the full existence of my vagina, had I not been taught about it’s existence and purpose beforehand. It literally wouldn’t have even occurred to me to put a finger or anything inside it.

And if I was taught its very unhealthy to put foreign objects or anything inside your vagina, it would make sense, I wouldn’t consider it to be a bizarre recommendation.

Anyways, I imagine puberty, sex, pregnancy, death would’ve been lived and referred to so differently in pre-history, must have been something..

And what about guys, was the desire to put your dick in a pussy innate ? If you weren’t taught that girls have a hole there, you wouldn’t know, so you wouldn’t… want to have sex… or maybe you’d feel something that would just confuse the shit out of you like mmmmhhh aghhggghhh !!! what ? what do you want ? I want this woman really bad ! Dude for what? No idea. I just want her physically. Physically ? Wtf… you want to eat her ? No. You want to kill her ? No ! I want to like… mmmhhhaghhhgh ! Ok buddy you have male histeria. Go beat up your friends or climb on a tree or something, it’ll pass.

Also I don’t think men actually understand how stressful it is to wait for what you’re going to be pulling out as you engage in sex for the first time (or with a new lover). I’ve seen the big cocks on reddit and I’m still shocked like it doesn’t even look real, so like what you see the thing shrinking back to a tenth of it size in a few seconds or minutes, and vice versa when it gets hard ? Jesus Christ. The range from micropenis to boa snake is a lot to integrate, I know the extremes are rare cases but don’t get me started on my probabilities =/= statistics rant.

It’s insane that you guys have something you carry everyday that casually metamorphoses and goes back to its shape, no one does that. No one. It’s like Iron Man, or I don’t know. Oh actually peacocks… oh. right, peacocks hehehe.

Anyways I think it’s insane that no one discusses why it is not normal to ask about penis dimensions at some point when you date or whatever. It’s seen as a superficial or objectifying thing to do. I agree to some extent, but c’mon now.

Read my femcel series (different tone though)